I'm a Soul Man! (Will you Be My Soul Sista?)

(Thanks to Alise Wright (http://alise-write.com/) for sparking this.)

A term I've heard far too often over the past decade is "soul tie". For those who don't know, it's Modern Christianese for two people being very close. The term "soul tie" does not appear in any translation of the Bible I'm aware of.

The Bible sometimes refers to people as "knit together" or otherwise as one: man and wife (Gen 2/24); Jonathan and David (I Sam 20/17); the men of Israel (Jud 20/11); a local body of believers (Col 2/2). These would be examples of good soul ties.

While most people who "teach" (and I use this term loosely) on soul ties recognize that there are good ties (marriage, close same sex friendships) there are several problems with the whole concept.

1. They focus almost exclusively on bad soul ties to the point most people don't even realize there are good ones.
2. They tend to paint almost all friendships between opposite sexes as examples of negative soul ties.
3. They tend to see close relationships between the sexes as inherently and inevitably dangerous... at best.

On top of these problems, there's a lot of doctrinal silliness contending that anything you do wrong creates a soul tie with someone and that any such ties are destructive, debilitating, demonic, and difficult to break.[1] This flies in the face of grace and the power of the finished work of the cross.

 

At its core, a soul tie is simply a relationship. Relationships are determined by intimacy; close relationships have more intimacy, more risk, more exposure, more openness, and ultimately more security. We are made for relationship-- not just with God, not just with a spouse, but with all those around us. We are made to be mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, grandparents and grandkids, and so on. Even best friends are intimate; how much more so family?

Therein lies a big part of the problem. We have become so sex-conscious that we tend to see everything in terms of sex. For most of us, the term "intimacy" primarily means "physical intimacy", which primarily means "sexual intimacy".

Except... those are not the primary meanings. Intimacy is a broad category. Physical intimacy is merely one subcategory of intimacy. Sexual intimacy is merely one subcategory of physical intimacy.

I am intimate (to varying degrees) with a fairly large number of people. I tend to be somewhat physically intimate with everyone around me, unless they simply can't cope with that. For me, handshakes are for business. I would far rather hug (I do respect others' boundaries). I have kissed quite a few people of both sexes-- family, extended family, and friends-- on the cheek or the head. There are any number of people I will put my arm around if we are in seats next to one another. There are at least a dozen young ladies who see me as a father or uncle with whom I sometimes hold hands while we walk, as well as women I see as sisters. I would have no problem holding hands with men. I am only sexually intimate with my wife.

Some of you need to read the preceding paragraph again. Maybe more than once. Every word is true. You read it right-- I have a lot of "soul ties". But these are good soul ties. These are the people I love, and who love me. There is nothing the least bit unhealthy about it. When we get to Heaven, I fully expect these soul ties to be stronger than ever. Or maybe we'll just see them more clearly.

Intimate relationships are what really make the world work-- whether between God and us, or between us humans. In the words of my oldest brother, "`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: `Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Mt 22/37-40 NIV).

Since Jesus commanded soul ties, we'd best get busy with them. Does that scare you? Perfect love chases away fear. (I Jn 4/18) Once the fear is gone, you start enjoying love (and life!) a whole lot more. If you're not careful, you might even find yourself greeting people with a holy kiss.

And liking it.

And God will yet again say, "It is good."

And so will you.

 

NOTES
[1] No sermon is complete without three or four points that start with the same letter.

Hostage Situation

(Jamie, who has long billed herself as the Very Worst Missionary, blogged on how she felt realizing that she was now the Very Worst Pastor's Wife back in the states. This was my response.)

If you let them, they will hold you hostage. Who are "they"?

Expectations.

• Your expectations.
• Their expectations.
• Your expectations of their expectations.

My wife never wanted to be a pastor's wife. God kind of snuck me in the pastoral back door. Because I didn't officially get a title from the local leadership, we didn't think of ourselves that way... but everyone else did. By the time we realized I really was a pastor we had just been ourselves for so long in the role it was easy to just stay there.

So, Rule #1: just be yourselves, and let your kids be your kids. I know that's your M.O., but there's this fear that we have to conform because we are in the United States of Christendom, and By God We had better Get It Right. Or Else.

I can't tell you what to do or not to do; that's between you and God. But I will say, "be true to God and yourselves." The Church needs leaders who aren't afraid of the people they're supposed to lead.

Actually, I guess that's rule #2. Rule #1 is let God be God.

Rule #3? Have fun. Like, seriously.

Rule #4: You need to come up with your own. Mine is hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

(Something I wish I had thought to add: Most pastor's wives are really pastors, just without the title.)

Valentines Day Prayer

"God, we want to be your valentines."

That's what popped out of my mouth at the end of blessing the food at the Notta Valentines Party for the young adult group tonight.

And we meant it.

Face to Face

A few years ago I was in the middle of a worship service, telling God how much I wanted to see his face.

"Open your eyes."

I did.

"Look around. See all these people? There I am."

This happened a few more times over the course of the next year. And each time, I could see it more clearly.

We are all made in God's image. Your brothers and sisters shine with it. The face of the most miserable of the lost shows at least a glimmer of it.

I do not seek to make the created the creator. Rather I seek the image of the creator in his work, an image the creator tells us is there. Seeing the beauty and majesty in a great work of art is not idolatry; it is honor for the artist.

Yes, seek to see God face to face. But seek to see God in all of creation, and especially in the only bits of creation we know are made in God's image... people.

The kingdom is here. What will we do with it?

Inspired by a conversation with Pamela Nishimoto when she quoted Les Miserables: "To love another person is to see the face of God."

When Dreams Invade Your Waking Hours

One of the many verses Christians can't quite seem to agree on is Psalm37/4:

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Does this mean he will give us what we already desire, or will he give us better desires?

As with many other things, the question is posed as an exclusive-or, and either-or. I think it's a both-and. We always want to box God in, come up with a finite answer we can easily comprehend, point to, apply and forget. But an infinite and infinitely complex God doesn't fit in a box, and neither does anything he says.

God made us in his/her/their image. It says so right at the beginning of the Bible, in Gen 1/26-27:

"Then God said, 'Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.' So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

We are created in God's image. yes, there was a fall, and yes, we were born in sin, but we are redeemed, set free, made pure and holy, in the image of Jesus, the sinless, perfect one. God has desires (s/he desired companionship with us, for instance). We have desires. Unless those desires are in direct conflict with God, they are good, because a good God made good things-- including us.

God wants to give you better desires in some cases, but God also wants to fulfill many of the desires you have. I really don't care whether they were directly planted in you by God, or are just a product of who you are and the life you've lived. If it matters to you, believe away! But in the meantime...

It's a time of fulfilled dreams, desires becoming reality. I have seen this in so many lives lately. I believe it's true all over, but I *know* it's true in central Texas, from San Marcos up through Waco. I see it daily. And I'm seeing it unfold in Round Rock.

These desires and dreams span the gamut. I've seen people I love set free. I fulfilled a lifelong dream of visiting Carlsbad Caverns. I got to take my wife to see El Paso and so many of the things I loved about the west as a kid, and see the wonder and joy in her eyes as she experienced White Sands, the Painted Desert, El Paso, saguaro, and more for the very first time. I'm seeing marriages grow. I'm seeing men and women fulfill their destiny as pastors, prophets, teachers, and more. I'm seeing healings, giftings, you name it.

I'm living my dreams. Dreams that even a few years ago I had nearly given up on, until someone spoke life into them, and called me out of the dungeon I'd let myself live in.

I'm calling you out. There's light, and life, and power, and joy, and love, and peace, and much more out here. Unexpected treasure. Come dig with me, and let's see what we find. I promise you, Captain Jack Sparrow found nothing compared to what awaits us.